


i'm tired of wanting more, i think it's time to go

by MinRosie



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: :D, Blood Vines, Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship Emeralds, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Possession, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It just wasn't meant to be, Manipulation, My First Fanfic, No Beta, Parent Cara | CaptainPuffy, Parent Sam | Awesamdude, Resurrection, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, Suicidal Thoughts, The Prison, Tommyinnit Has Abandonment Issues, We Stan Sam and Puffy in this house, and it's very valid, sbi, we die like tommy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29145612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinRosie/pseuds/MinRosie
Summary: Looking back, it really was all Tommy’s fault. Maybe if he wasn’t so stubborn, maybe if he listened more, maybe if he wasn’t so selfish, maybe… maybe… maybe…He could make things right again.
Relationships: Cara | CaptainPuffy/Niki | Nihachu, Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Tommy & Awesamdude & Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, past - Relationship
Comments: 29
Kudos: 561





	1. CHRYSANTHEMUMS

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading this! This is my first every published work so go easy on me, but an constructive criticism is appreciated :)
> 
> I wrote this all in one go and have not looked over it, so be cautious of mistakes and errors. I did not want to do homework lol.

It was cold. Tommy didn’t know when it started to be so cold. Maybe it was when Wilbur died, maybe when Wilbur blew up L’manbug, or when Techno spawned withers, or when Phil killed Wilbur. It could’ve been when Technoblade left and Tubbo was busy and Phil was sad. When his home was gone, his brothers gone, his discs gone.

When George’s house was gone, and he was warm again. There was something about bullying Ranboo into robbing George that made him feel alive again. Maybe it was the memories of old L’manburg coming through, before the elections, before the betrayal, before Wilbur lost his mind and destroyed their home. When they’d all be fucking around brewing potions and selling them to spite Dream and his stupid fucking rules. When it was laughter and sunshine and hope before it was gunpowder, explosions, and pain. When it was words before violence.

“This is subtle… this is totally subtle.”

Let it be known that Tommyinnit never thinks before he acts, honestly, it really shouldn’t have been surprising at this point. When he wanted to fight Dream and cuss the green bitch out it was always Wilbur that stepped between them and sorted everything out, when he picked on someone much stronger than him it was always Technoblade who saved him, when he was too much of an asshole Tubbo always balanced him out.

“You couldn’t do one thing for me, you couldn’t do one and it was for your own good!”

**Selfish. ******

Tommy wasn’t selfish. He wasn’t! He gave up his discs for L’manburg, he gave up his brother, he gave up his childhood, he gave up everything!

“When do you know when it’s too much?” No one answered.

Nobody wanted to visit him, Techno only came to laugh at him before he stopped being fun and started getting annoying instead. Captain Puffy, Bad, and LazarBeam only visited out of pity and to look at him. Ghostbur was dead, and Ghostbur was not Wilbur, Ghostbur didn’t remember anything important anymore. Phil only came to visit once, to help set up a beach party he didn’t have to manners to come to. Phil who had new clothes and a new shield and had snow in his hair and wings.

“It’s not your time to die Tommy.”

“It’s never my time to die.”

Dream cared, Dream was his friend. He always visited and never helped Tommy out of pity, only because Tommy asked for it. They wandered around Logstedshire doing their daily tasks. Dream protected Tommy from mobs because Tommy didn’t have armor and would die without him. Even though the reason he was helpless was because Dream blew all his stuff up. It was a fair price for company either way.

“He was here to watch me, he wasn’t here to be my friend.”

He was cold, he was so cold. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was walking through a Tundra with one shoe and no coat. Was this how Wilbur felt before he lost it? The icy pit in your stomach that never wanted to leave, the tingling across your body that left you in pieces, the pounding in your head of everything that went wrong?

_Tommy are we the bad guys? Let's be the bad guys. Tommy, why not? I say, if we can't have Manberg, then NO ONE - NO ONE CAN HAVE MANBERG! Have you not noticed?! Everyone who's claiming to be on our side, they're lying to us! Tubbo?! He's lying to you, man! He- He would drop us at the SECOND he realizes we're not in the lead anymore! I know you're scared, Tommy, I understand you're scared. And it's scary! It's scary, Tommy, but ya know what, in a time like this, when a man has nothing to lose, d’ya know what that means? It means we can do what we want. L’MANBURG MY UNFINISHED SYMPHONY, FOREVER UNFINISHED. As long as I can’t be the next Schlatt, you can’t be the next Wilbur._

"I know that there's one line that rings through my head as I sleep...of Wilbur saying 'Tommy! Let's be the bad guys!' -and I don't-- I don't want to be the bad guy!..."

There was warmth again for a while, with Technoblade in his retirement cottage. The Blade retiring from anarchy and him raccooning underneath the floorboards and stealing shit. It was liked they were kids again in Phil’s old house. Tommy taking shit from Wilby and Techie and hiding away before they could find them. Though at the time it was crap like guitar picks and hairpins and not armor sets and golden apples. But, Tomato Potato and all that shit.  
It wasn’t like he had much life in him anyways. Was this what it felt like to be a ghost? The numbness in your limbs as everything moves on past you? The constant pressure of not wanting to think of the inevitable?

_Welcome home, Theseus!_

It was okay. It was okay.

“Oh that's gonna be a bit of a problem, Dream, because this guy is with me.”

It was okay.

_“Unless…”_

Tubbo… Tubbo was his friend, he was always his friend. Tubbo missed him, Technoblade was going to destroy L’manburg, and L’manburg was all he had left of Wilbur. Technoblade wanted to side with Dream and destroy L’manburg again. The choice was easy. If it really was never meant to be, he would at least have Tubbo.

“You used me as a weapon! You've never thought of me as a friend, you saw me just as The Blade. That's all I was to you, The Blade, a weapon, well guess what?! I’m choosing what I fight for now!”

They moved on and headed north to, just him and Tubbo, and JackManifold, and Nikki. L’manburg was gone again, but it was okay Ghostbur was still there and that should be enough. They had gotten the discs back and Dream was finally locked up. Everything was good, everything was great. There was a gaping hole where Tubbo’s nuke had hit.

“Any sooner and you would’ve been a goner Tommy!” Tubbo quipped as they bridged over the crater.

He laughed, “We’re lucky I wasn’t.”

“It’s your fault! It’s all your fault, Tommy, everything bad that’s ever happened on this server.” Nikki screamed, being held back by Jack. “Wilbur’s death, L’manburg’s destruction, the Disc War, every single problem on this server came from that! Why couldn’t you have just died when you should have!”

JackManifold made no move against her only looking solidly at Tommy. Did he hate Tommy, they were friends, right? Right? “Why would I be friends with you? You’ve never done anything for me, I’m here to keep Tubbo safe.”

Tommy wasn’t the problem. He couldn’t be, he was the reason L’manburg gained its independence, he helped take it back from Schlatt and made Tubbo the President. He kept Wilbur’s dream alive when Wilbur wasn’t alive and when his brother wanted to destroy it instead of protect it.

**Selfish ******

“I’m a person! Discs aren’t people!”

"Things, buildings, they can be replaced! People can't be replaced. I'm not losing anyone else...I'm not losing anyone else. Not to this bullshit."

“When the whole world was against you? I walked in. I was willing to fight all of them for you, Tommy.”

Maybe he was the problem, maybe… Maybe if he wasn’t so stubborn, maybe if he listened more, maybe if he wasn’t so selfish, maybe… maybe… maybe…

Maybe Phil would’ve thought twice about destroying L’manburg, maybe he would’ve made Technoblade see the light and understand what Tommy wanted. Maybe Wilbur would still be alive, maybe then Nikki wouldn’t hate him and Jack wouldn’t be protecting Tubbo from him.

  
Maybe there was a way he could make things right again.

“Hello Dream… I have a favor to ask.”

“Tommy… Where are we going?” Ghostbur asked. Everything was going to be fine now, everything was okay. It was a nice night, the air was crisp, the sky was clear and the moon was full. Everything was perfect. “Tommy?”

“I’ve got something to show you Ghostbur.” He responded. Ghostbur wasn’t Wilbur, but he could be. Wilbur didn’t have to be dead anymore, Technoblade didn’t have to be an only child, Phil didn’t have to be sad, Fundy didn’t have to be an orphan, Nikki wouldn’t have to be angry, Jack would be able to keep Tubbo safe, and Tubbo would finally be at peace. Tommy just had to be gone.

“Is this L’manburg? Why is it all blown up? I thought Tubbo fixed it?” Ghostbur tilted his head confused, it didn’t matter though Ghostbur had floated into the circle Tommy made.

“Look at the moon Ghostbur… It’s beautiful isn’t it.” Tommy said stepping back onto the remains of a building. He couldn’t recognize what it should have been, he was probably gone when it was created and only to come back to destroy it.

“Yeah… The moon really is nice tonight. We had a base on the moon once, do you remember that Tommy?”

Tommy nodded, “Course I do Wil… Keep looking at the moon, okay? Everything’s going to be alright.”

It was perfect, absolutely perfect. Dream had a way to bring people back from the dead, and Wilbur needed to be brought back from the dead to make the server complete again. All the ritual needed was a sacrifice, and what better choice could there be than Tommy! Nikki was right, he was the reason that there was so much trouble on this server. Tubbo was right, he was selfish. Wilbur was right, L’manburg should’ve remained unfinished.

Tommy was just too stupid, too fucking selfish to see it. It was right there Wilbur had yelled it before he died, with Technoblade and Dream winning against them time and time again, with Phil choosing Technoblade and Wilbur and Ranboo and Fundy over him.

_If you want to be a hero Tommy... THEN DIE LIKE ONE!_

Tommyinnit wasn’t Thesus, he was never a hero. Tommyinnit was a boy who was selfish, a boy who put what he wanted first and ignored what others told him.

And like Icarus, he fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted to die clean and pretty  
> But I'd be too busy on working days  
> So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted  
> I couldn't have changed anyways  
> I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy  
>  _Goodbye ___  
> {Last Words of a Shooting Star - Mitski}


	2. FORGET-ME-NOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just how many stars will I need to hang around me  
> To finally call it heaven?  
> 'Cause I need somebody to remember my name  
> After all that I can do for them is done  
> I need someone to remember me  
> {Remember My Name - Mitski}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the support! This got a lot more kudos than I thought it would, so I'm spoiling you all with an early update. I'm not sure when the next one will be yet but I'm sure I can be bribed.
> 
> warnings are applied! make sure to look at the tags before you read!

What in the world was going on? Why was he alive? Scratch that, _how_ was he alive? Wilbur very vividly remembered being a ghost, a ghost with memory loss but a ghost no less. Why was he at the edge of L’manburg? Phil, Technoblade, and Dream blew it all up again if the ghost was to be trusted. Phil… Phil was trying to bring him back to life along with… Eret? Well, there were worse places to start.

That’s how Wilbur found himself up North, honestly, for a half Piglin you’d think that Technoblade would choose somewhere more pleasant to live. But no of course he doesn’t, he moves the farthest away he can while still being close enough to monologue someone to death. He knocked, honestly at this point he would kill a man for a good cup of tea.

The door rattled and Philza appeared, “Who is it--”

His father was frozen, either in fear or apprehension. “Phil! I thought we agreed that I would open the door, what if it was another baby zombie, Philza-- Wilbur?”

“Hi, Dad… Hi, Tech. I’m alive!” Jazz hands.

Phil had enough sense to make something warm for them, albeit it was coffee but it was the thought that counted. Both of them were staring at him like they expected him to start destroying everything around him again. Honestly, you lose your mind one time and that’s the only thing people remember about you.

“How am I back?” He finally asked. “I thought you said the ritual didn’t work?”

Phil leaned back in his chair with a tired sigh. “It shouldn’t have, any successful ritual would’ve worked instantly or at least shown us that it was working.”

“It was probably delayed… Wil’s back now and that’s all that matters.” Technoblade gave him a soft smile. “It’s good to have you back… I missed you, Wilbur.”

“I missed you too.”

The night was perfect. Phil had taken to lighting up the area around the Cabin, and as a result, there were no mobs. It was perfectly quiet. There was always something magical about seeing the moon nestle itself between the Spruce trees and snowy hills, when you as far north as this the moon seems impossibly large. A gentle giant waiting and watching.

“Do you remember that time we built a base on the moon Technoblade?” Wilbur asked, it felt like this had happened all happened before. Maybe while he was a ghost? This seemed like a happy enough memory.

“Oh god… not this again, it was Chaos, not Chads Wilbur.” He deadpanned, looking like he regretted everything. Wilbur was totally winning this.

“We’ve talked about his before haven’t we Technoblade?” He laughed. “At the L’mancrater--”

His brother looked puzzled. “Wilbur? We never got to talk, you died remember?” That was odd… he could swear that he had… he had talked to someone. He had talked to…

“Tommy.” Technoblade went blank, hunching over in his cloak.

“What about Tommy.” He asked. Phil was carefully eyeing Wilbur, clearly warning him not to take this any further. Right. How could he have forgotten, Phil would always choose Techno first and foremost. He had to find Tommy.

“I was with him before… I don’t know what for…” Now that he thought about it, they talked not too long ago. They had…

**Keep looking at the moon, okay? Everything’s going to be alright.** **** ****

“I have to go.” He was rushing back into the snow, the moon suddenly less important. Where was Tommy? Was he okay? He didn’t he couldn’t have.

There was a pair of arms around him stopping him from running. “Wilbur, Wil-- what are you doin’ it’s too dark for you to be--”

“I need to find Tommy. I-- Something happened, and I don’t. I can’t remember, Dad--” Phil rubbed his back reassuringly. Wilbur was ashamed of how quickly all thoughts of Tommy left his brain in the face of Phil’s affection.  
His father smiled. “I’m sure he’s alright, he’s with Tubbo after all. We don’t know if your resurrection has any side effects yet, I don’t want to lose a son again.”

“How about we go to bed.” They had made their way back into the cabin. “In the morning if you still want to we can go back to L’manburg. Well, what’s left of it.”

Why did sleep sound so good right about now.

“Ah. Wilbur you’re awake. I have something I need to show you.” It was chilly in the mornings even though the sun was beating down. It felt like it was glowering down on him for his mistakes.

“If it’s Ranboo I already know him.” He said. “I need to go to L’manburg Phil.” The older man tensed up, it was very obvious that Phil wanted nothing to do with L’manburg or with Tommy.

“We’re not exactly welcomed there Wilbur.” He laughed looking Phil dead in the eyes.

“It isn’t like it ever mattered Phil.” Wibur didn’t know what Phil saw, but it didn’t take long for them to armor up for the journey. Wilbur had no need for armor, but he was cold and wasn’t above raiding the chests for extra layers. It seemed that Phil and Technoblade had more than enough time to stockpile wool and sheepskin, but since it was for just the two of them there was nothing in Wilbur’s size.

“Why are you so abnormally large and Phil so small.” He complained, dropping a set of furs on the floor. There was a far away look in Technoblade’s eyes as he rustled through the chests, and when he dropped a cloak in Wilbur’s arms and walked out. There was only one person in their family that was around Wilbur’s size.

The thing they don’t tell you about coming back from the dead was how _much_ everything was. When you’re alive there are things you never think about until they’re gone, Wilbur had forgotten how the sun felt on his skin, or how nether portals tingle as you walk through them, or how mushy and warm netherrack was underfoot. Well... it isn’t like many people can come back after they die, so there isn’t much to say. New L’manburg looked much different in the day than it did under the moon. The crater looked less imposing and more dull, there was no reason to believe that Tommy would still be here it had been a whole night after all. His brother was smarter than to risk being killed off by a Zombie, he only had one life left after all. There was also no reason for Wilbur to be here either.

“There’s magic in the air… I don’t like this one bit.” Phil was tense, his hand resting on his sword. “It isn’t like Tommy would be here, we need to go to Snowchester… wherever that is.”

**Look at the moon Ghostbur… It’s beautiful isn’t it. ********** ****

No… No… Surely not?

“Wilbur?” Techno grabbed his arm. “Wil? What are you doin’ what’s wrong?”

There was a beam of wood sticking out of the side of the crater, just big enough for a person to step onto. But it wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be possible. Wilbur couldn’t have failed that bad, it wouldn’t have gotten that bad.

“Let go of be Techno, I need to see it. I need to--” He let out a frustrated growl and locked down, he probably should feel bad about biting his younger brother but he didn’t have the damn time. “Phil… Phil please you need to take me down there.”

“Wilbur… Wil, I think you need to calm down--”

“THIS IS NO TIME FOR CALM PHIL. FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!” Phil held up his hands beseechingly.

Technoblade let out an unhappy grunt, “There isn’t going to be anything there, I’ll even go and take a look--”

His eyes were locked on something Wilbur couldn’t see, on something Wilbur _needed_ to see. “Techno?”

“There’s blood. I don’t--” Phil took off gliding down into the crater, Technoblade’s hand clamped around Wilbur’s. He was pale. Why was he pale? Please no, please no. No. **No. ******

Phil brought back a shoe. ** **Tommy’s shoe.****


	3. ANEMONE

His brothers for lack of a better word were annoying.

They were both loud, passionate, and obnoxiously social. Tommy always rushed into things, Wilbur would try and patch things up, and when it didn’t work out Techo would come in and save them before they were beaten up. When Wilbur wasn’t there Tommy would follow him around demanding his attention.

_“Tech, Tech, you’ve gotta show that that move--”_

_“THE BLADE--”_

_“What’da mean I can’t wear your cloak? It’s all kingly, innit?”_

_Listen Techno you’re the strongest one here, that means you’re gonna have to look out for your brothers._ A laugh. _I know they’re annoying, but we love them anyway._

Tommy was annoying, Tommy left, Tommy _lied_ , Tommy abandoned him, Tommy was an Idiot. Tommy was funny, he was happy and bright like the sun. Tommy was gone, Tommy had **fallen**.

“Technoblade, Technoblade can you hear me? I need you to match my breathing.” Phil. Phil was here and so was Wilbur. Wilbur who was dead not even a day ago and Tommy who was still alive not even a day ago. Tommy who was-- Techno was down in the crater, Wilbur was not far behind him.

He was the Blood God, he spilled blood, he spilled a lot of blood. But this was Tommy’s blood, this was little brother’s blood and they didn’t even have a body to fix up. They only had red blood, Redstone, red vines, and a fucking _shoe_. He took out his ax and hacked through the vines, he had to be here.

Tommy couldn’t be-- He didn’t dare think about it.

“Techno, there’s nothing here,” Phil whispered gently. “We should find Tubbo. Tommy might’ve made his way back there.”

Wilbur was pacing frantically, “We don’t even know where _there_ is!”

“No… But we may know someone who does.” Phil’s wings flew open and he was off. Techno was left with a brother-turned ghost-turned living with the other missing and hurt. But not gone, never gone, not as long as he was here. As long as he was Lycomedes Tommy would never have to die like Theseus. 

Wilbur had Tommy’s shoe held in his hands like a lifeline and was murmuring frantic prayers. Technoblade had long studied the whims of the gods and he knew better, the gods did not care weather Tommy lived or died. His little brother would just be another warning, another story. Technoblade had long stopped praying.

“Do you think he’s okay?” Wilbur finally asked, eyes maniac. 

There really was nothing to say. “Tommy always survives when people try to take him down, he’s too stubborn to die.”

Philza had brought along Sam. Techno had nothing against the guy, finding the other true to his words and likable, but he had to wonder how the other had become friends with Tommy. The man was a member of the Badlands after all, you couldn't be too cautious. The Creeper hybrid had an anxious tension rolling through him as he beckoned them away from the crater.

“What do you last remember Wilbur?” He asked, hands twitching around his trident, he set a brisk pace.

Wilbur easily matched him. “Tommy told Ghostbur he wanted to show him something and took him-- me to L’manburg, I remember the moon… and then I was alive again.”

“There was magic at the crater.” Phil said aimlessly. “I’m not sure what it means, but it’s nothing good.”

Sam’s jaw clenched, “I’ll go talk to Tubbo, you three wait out here.”

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes when Tubbo came rounding the corner, he was pale and shaken. Tommy had not come back, worse still he had left in the middle of the night and Tubbo knew nothing. They were at a dead end. One revived ghost, three hybrids, and a former president were stood in a clearing. God that sounded like a setup for a bad joke.

Finally Sam spoke up, “There’s one other person that may know where Tommy is…”

Wilbur and Tubbo both perked up. “Who?”

“I know for a fact that he visited Dream last night.” The Warden twirled the Trident in his hands, his eyes hard as steel. “I’ll get you in.”

The Prison was an intimidating build, with looming black walls and an air of hopelessness. Sam had crafted this fortress with his own hands at the request of Dream, it was inescapable. Ironically, Dream was the one trapped, encased in a prison of his own making. Even the most brilliant of playwrights would applaud the outcome.

“We don’t have time for security checks, the doors behind us should be enough.” Sam hurried them past the front gate and rushed them through the doors. “There won’t be enough room for all of you to go, I’ll keep Tubbo with me but Philza, Wilbur and Technoblade can go in.”

“Why can’t I go in? I have a right to hear him for myself.” Tubbo was shaking in anger. “He took everything from us.”

“I couldn’t protect Tommy, the least I could do is protect you Tubbo.” The silence was deafening, Tubbo had stopped talking and looked absolutely miserable, it was clear now that the other hadn’t slept well. “Me and you can watch through the security cameras, Dream already tried to kill you once, Tubbo. I won’t let him do it again.”

The Warden flipped levers carefully before turning back to them. “When the lava drops a platform will appear, stay on it and you’ll reach the other side but once you’re there I let the lava back down, just contact me through the comms and I’ll get you back through.”

“Thank you for this Sam.” The Warden didn’t respond, ordering them to face the lava instead. There was a series of clicks before the lava slowly dropped down. Across the chasm was Dream and the knowledge they needed. 

The Admin was leaning against the back wall of his cell, it was like he didn’t have a care in the world. “I didn’t realize I was this popular… Wilbur, Phil… Technoblade. What’s the occasion?”

The bastard was smiling, he knew exactly why they were here. Wilbur was the one who broke the tense silence, “We’ve heard that you were the last person who saw Tommy before he disappeared. Dream, what did he come to talk to you about.”

“Tommy disappeared?” Dream’s eyes widened in faux surprise. “I had no idea! My, my--”

“Cut the shit, Dream.” Phil said. “What did he come here for. What did you do.”

All pleasantness dropped from his face. The Admin watched them critically, “I’m Tommy’s friend, of course he came to me when he needed help.”

Technoblade could feel his patience wearing thin. “You’re not his friend Dream, he hates you and you hate him.”

The other shrugged resting his hands in his jacket pocket. “I guess you’re right, I’m not his friend… He was always more of a little brother to me anyways.”

The Green Bastard was smiling, he stretched his arms up to yawn and--- Techno let out a snarl reaching for his axe. That asshole, how _dare_ he. “Give it back, that’s not yours.”

Techno had spent so much time looking for those emeralds and crafting them, he would recognize them anywhere. That was Tommy’s and he wasn’t going to let a homeless man poach it off of him. Dream only chuckled, looping the chain around his neck. “Of course it is, Tommy gave it to me.”

“He wouldn’t give it to you willingly Dream, what did you do to him.” Phil snarled reaching for his own sword. Wilbur glared his body shaking in rage.

“What did _I_ do to him? I did nothing, I’ve been in here like a good little prisoner. No, Tommy came to me Philza, and you wanted to know what he asked me?”

Wilbur had frozen up, he had realized something. “You see, as the Admin of the SMP I have the ability to bring back the dead. Poor little Tommy, all tired and sad came to me and asked if I could bring back his big brother Wilbur.”

Techno had startled back, locking eyes with his brother. His eyes were blank. “Get to the point Dream.”

“I couldn’t do it without a price of course so we struck a deal, he’ll give me this emerald and I’d tell him what he had to do to get Wilbur back.” Dream shrugged, sauntering over. “You really should be grateful--”

Technoblade had his axe to Dream’s neck. It would feel so good to just swing down and rip the head off the man for his sheer audacity. It would be the perfect payment for all the suffering he’d caused. Phil held him back. “What ritual did you give him Dream. Where is he.”

“I thought you’d get it by now…” He sighed, showcasing his disappointment. “Tommy’s gone Philza, he gave up his last life to bring Wilbur back. Tommy’s **dead**.”

“No, that’s a lie, Dream--” Technoblade was cut off by Dream pushing the axe away. He was smiling as lean over to Wilbur like he was telling him a joke.

“You wanna know what he told me Wilbur?” His voice was high and mocking,“ _They don’t need me, Dream. They never needed me, maybe they never even wanted me. You should’ve let me jump before I had the chance to mess every thing up--”_

Technoblade had crossed the room before he could comprehend what he was doing. Dream was sprawled across the obsidian floor blood falling from his face. He was lying, he was **lying**. Dream was a manipulative asshole there was no way he was telling the truth, no fucking way. Tommy wouldn’t die, Tommy couldn’t die.

Dream smiled up at him pityingly, “Never thought I’d see the day the Blood Good was in denial. Poor Technoblade… after everything you did you still couldn’t protect your brothers. Hell, you even made Tommy think you didn’t love him anymore. Poor kid had nothing to live for…”

Technoblade was shaking so bad that his axe fell to the floor. “You’re lying-- Dream, don’t you dare turn this against us.”

The Admin didn’t say anything else leaning back against the wall. Wilbur was pale and curled up in a corner, shaking his head wildly. He had given up on hope, that was fine Wilbur had been a victim of Dream, so it made sense that he would believe what came out of his mouth. He just needed to talk to Phil and--

“Where’s his body.” Phil asked, his wings limp against his back. No, no, no.

“Hell, if I know, probably somewhere around L’manburg. The kid always did love heights.”

Tommy was wild, Tommy was bold. Tommy was a child, and now Tommy was dead. Technoblade’s head dropped into his hands, the voices screamed out in grief for a life that was taken too soon. Maybe he did as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo standing in the middle of Techno's kitchen: Hello????


	4. GLORY-OF-THE-SNOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you all for all of the positive reviews! It really brings me joy that you all are enjoying the pain I'm inflicting on you.
> 
> We only have a few chapters to go before it ends!

Tubbo felt as if his world had stopped, well that wasn’t the correct description.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened, his world had stopped when Dream first used TNT on a newly created L’manburg, his world had stopped when Dream and Tommy dueled on the bridge, his world had stopped when Tommy and Wilbur had gotten exiled, when Technoblade blew him up, when he became President and Wilbur blew up L’manburg. No, this was much too different. It felt like when Eret had betrayed them for power, when Tommy was shot by Dream and died, and when he visited Logstedshire and found the tower. His world didn’t stop, it had fundamentally changed, and maybe it even ended.

_It's just you and me against the world, Tubbo. We might not be L'Manberg anymore, but at least we’re still together. Tubbo, even though for this entire server I've always regarded you as my sidekick. Really Tubbo, I was your sidekick._

“Tommy’s dead.” Dream had said, and Tubbo’s legs felt like jelly. Sam had held onto him as soon as the conversation went south, and Tubbo was grateful for the comfort. Even if he didn’t deserve it at the moment.

Sam’s grip tightened. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true Tubbo. I’m sure Tommy would agree with me.”

Tubbo didn’t respond as he continued to watch the security feed play. Tommy wasn’t here to say anything was he, if his friend really did agree he would come back. Right? Wilbur had come back as a ghost, what was to say Tommy wouldn’t as well. “We should go, it looks like they’re finished.”

The four of them exited the vault in silence. There was nothing they could say to make the situation any better, but there was also nothing that would make it worse. “Wilbur… Do you think Tommy’s going to come back. Like you did?”

Wilbur looked pained, and suddenly Tubbo didn’t want to hear anymore. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he ran away as fast as he could. He ran until his legs were burning and until he couldn’t run anymore, he ran until he was facedown in the snow, snot and tears streaming down his face. How could this have happened, why did this have to happen? Tommy didn’t do anything wrong, Tommy was Tubbo’s best friend. 

It felt like a lifetime ago that they had talked about running away together. But it wasn’t the first time that Tubbo wished they really had

Tubbo woke up, and it wasn’t the first time he wished he hadn’t. If he woke up he had to accept that Tommy was gone, that Tommy was never going to come back. That Tommy wouldn’t appear and ask him to pull a prank or rob someone ever again. The grief pulled at his heart so badly that he curled in on himself. “Tubbo? Oh my poor boy…”

He found himself drooping into Puffy’s embrace with a painful sob. “He can’t be gone, Puffy… Please tell me he isn’t gone.” Puffy said nothing, only wrapping the sheets tightly around him. Her eyes were sad and Tubbo couldn’t look at them. He didn’t have the energy to stop his tears, maybe he wouldn’t ever be able to.

The days passed slowly. Sam, and Wilbur would stop by Snowcheaster often, while Puffy had moved in. She made herself a little add on to the house, they both decided to leave Tommy’s room untouched as neither of them had the heart to touch anything. Puffy and Sam would tense up whenever they saw Jack and Nikki, who both had stormy looks in their eyes. The tension had reached a boiling point very quickly, both sides throwing accusations and venom at the other, until the two of them had packed up and left. Tubbo didn’t ask why they all hated each other now, he didn’t want to know.

It wasn’t until one day that Sam knocked at his door that things started to change. Puffy and Tubbo had taken to growing a large garden in place of a funeral, they had no body after all, and a grave felt too final and too insignificant. He was lucky to have them.

“Tubbo, I need your help.” The man had said. 

Tubbo looked up at him curiously. “What for?”

“You remember that Tommy had commissioned me for a hotel?” Sam asked, dropping blueprints on the couch. “We should finish it.”

Tubbo felt his heart twinge, how could he have forgotten. He remembered when Tommy first came up with the idea, his face lighting up and arms flailing as he rambled on and on about his cool, amazing and badass idea. Tubbo at the time was just glad that Tommy had something to do, now he would do anything just to listen to the younger ramble again.

“What do you have in mind man?”

Sam was a fun person, always cracking jokes and knowing the best way to make someone else laugh. Tubbo had forgotten how relaxing building with the older man was until they started on the BigInnit hotel. The first time Sam had pulled out his Sam Nook mask and played the chattering noise on his comm Tubbo had laid on the ground laughing until his lungs ached.

 _“No Tubbo you don’t get it, Sam Nook is the greatest thing_ **_ever_ ** _.”_ Tommy had insisted.

Tubbo had laughed. _“You’ve got to be pulling my leg, no way in hell Tommy.”_

**TUBBO_ PLEASE MAKE SURE TO WEAR A SAFETY HELMET WITHIN THE BUILDING SITE.**

“Okay, okay Sam. Don’t worry.” He said pulling the overlarge helmet onto his head. He felt much lighter and full than before. Sam had come up with the idea of finishing up the hotel as a memorial for Tommy. Tubbo had jumped at the chance and went to work the very next day. “What do we need to do today Sam.”

**THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE BIGINNIT HOTEL IS ALMOST FINISHED. IT’S TIME TO START PREPARING FOR THE GRAND OPENING. CAN YOU WRITE INVITATIONS AND DELIVER THEM TO THE PATRONS OF THE BIGINNIT HOTEL?**

“No problem man, I’ll get on it right away.” Sam Nook presented him with sheets of paper and sent him on his way. 

Now… who was he going to invite… Phil, Wilbur and Technoblade were a given, the same with Puffy. But if Puffy and Sam were going to be there he couldn’t invite Nikki and Jack. If Phil and Techno came so would Ranboo. Tubbo nodded in approval and made his way North. It had been a long time since he’d last seen Technoblade and Phil. Wilbur had said the two of them were still looking for Tommy’s body, it wasn’t that Tubbo had given up on his friend he just wasn’t sure what he would do if he saw him again.

He knocked on the door and put on his best smile. Ranboo opened the door and looked over in surprise, “Tubbo? What’re you doing here?”

“I’ve come to invite you all to the Grand opening of the BigInnit Hotel!” He cheered letting himself in, he shoved a few of the flyers into Ranboo’s waiting hands. “Are Phil and Technoblade here?”

Ranboo nodded. “They came back for lunch not too long ago… Wilbur and I made lunch! All six of us could have lunch!”

Six? Since when were there six people? It should only be Tubbo, Ranboo, Phil, Technoblade, Wilbur… Tubbo rushed past the pain entrance, heart in his throat. Please let him be right, please please let it be--

He stopped before he made his way around the corner, heart beating rapidly. There was a head of blond hair peeking out of the armchair and Tubbo found himself unable to move. Could it really be…

“Oh Tubbo!” Wilbur called out in surprise, balancing two mugs of tea in his hands. “Both you and Nikki came to visit at the same time, what a happy coincidence!”

Tubbo’s heart dropped and tears welled up in his eyes again. Right, how could he forget. Tommy was dead, and Tommy was never going to be coming back. Nikki wilted under his disappointment and Tubbo's heart shuttered. Wilbur met his eyes in understanding and gave him a sad smile. “Hi Nikki… it’s been a while since we’ve last talked.”

“It has…” She answered not meeting Tubbo’s eyes. The room descended into silence, nobody being brave enough to break it. Tubbo fiddled with the flyers, mind racing.

It was Nikki who finally broke the silence, “Tubbo… I’m sorry. It’s all my fault…”

“What’s wrong Nikki?” Tubbo was confused. Nikki looked terrible. Her normally neat hair was cropped short and messy and her eyes were surrounded by deep bags. She was shaking, he realized.

“Jack and I, it was all our fault.” She sobbed out. “I was so _angry_ and hurt, and we took it out on Tommy. We tried to kill him, and now that he’s actually dead-- I-I…”

She drifted off into heaving sobs, Tubbo froze his mind racing. Did he hear that right? He looked over at Wilbur desperately. They didn’t, they couldn’t have. Wilbur didn’t react, looking at Nikki with no feeling. Tubbo felt hollow. This couldn’t be real, not Nikki.

Tubbo could remember a happier time, when Nikki would be working in her bakery and he and Tommy would stop by before finding Wilbur. Nikki was always waiting for them with freshly baked bread and cups of tea, before they set off and did what they did best. That was a lifetime ago, in a different time and a different place.

There was only one thing to do. “It’s alright Nikki… We forgive you, and we’ve missed you.”

L’manburg wasn’t a place, it was a people. Maybe one day, they could all go home and maybe… maybe they didn’t have to wait another lifetime to be happy again.


	5. MORNING GLORY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end boys! Have some Philza!
> 
> I'm lowkey not feeling this chapter??? Something seems wrong about it. I hope you enjoy my efforts tho! :D

Philza Minecraft was not a heartless man. He had lived far longer than anyone had thought possible.

 _The Angel of Death_ , they’d whisper when he walked by. They’d look at him and see a genius, a protege, a god. 

It’s debatable whether or not he was the first two, but he definitely was not the last. He was just lucky. Phil was lucky he was able to brag about killing the Ender Dragon as much as he did, that he could brag about his golden apple farm, and most of all he was lucky he met his boys. He would need that luck to fix them. 

The moment they left the prison he gathered his boys up into his wings. Wilbur sobbed, “ _Phil_ … How are we going to find him? He’s _gone_.”

Phil felt himself tear up, “I don’t know Wilbur… I don’t know.”

“We’ll find him, we have to.” Technoblade’s face was full of cold determination. Phil led them away, his lax attitude had cost him his children once he wouldn’t let it happen again, and if Phil spent that night crying over photos and memories no one had to know.

“Are you still here?” Wilbur asked that morning. His son had wandered into the kitchen in search of the kettle before they made awkward eye contact. Phil probably deserved that.

“I made breakfast if you want any… Ranboo should be coming over soon…”

Wilbur nodded. “I’ll help you break the news to him.”

“Thanks, Wil.” The two of them set the table in silence. Phil occupied himself with frying the eggs while he listened to Wilbur wander. What was he supposed to say, ‘Hey Son, I’m sorry that killing you lead to the suicide of your younger brother. But now that you’re back, want to go play catch?’

Wilbur broke the silence, “Where’s Technoblade? I thought you guys were planning something.”

Phil winced his confused expression, “I wanted to be here when you woke up… We missed you, Wilbur. Both of us did.”

Wilbur held out his plate for the eggs and refused to look at Phil. The silence stretched on.

There was an awkward knock at the door that Phil easily recognized. “You can come in Ranboo. We have a guest.”

The teen shuffled in, his eyes relieved. “You disappeared yesterday, I was worried.”

His eyes found Wilbur and he froze. Ranboo’s face scrunched in confusion as he flipped through his book. “Did we bring Ghostbur back to life?”

“I need to tell you something Ranboo… Let’s sit.” Wilbur stiffened, cutting into his eggs. Ranboo was looking at him with curious eyes and a shy smile, Wilbur ignored him. Phil had no idea how to break the news, if he broke it wrong Ranboo would break down and not write it down and they might have to do it again. Wilbur looked over at him expectantly.

“Ranboo… Something happened, something bad…” He trailed off, he didn’t have the correct words. “Tommy is gone.”

Ranboo stilled. “He’s missing?”

“No. Ranboo, Tommy...” Tommy was dead, was never coming back, had disappeared forever.

“Tommy is dead.” Wilbur chose, dumping his plate into the warm water. “He killed himself.”

Ranboo froze, a distressed keen coming from his mouth. “Tommy? Our Tommy? No, no way…”

The chair fell to the floor as he stood up, the keening got louder. “He promised me he wouldn’t, _Phil_ he promised me.”

“What do you mean he promised you?” Phil has frozen, his brain frantically working for connections. Wilbur had stopped his wandering and was staring directly at Ranboo.

The boy was pacing, “When he first went into exile he was so lonely… We’d write letters sometimes and he promised me he won’t do something like this. He _promised_.”

“Ranboo,” Wilbur grabbed his shoulders. “What happened during exile.”

“I don’t--” 

“What happened!” Ranboo was shaking, Phil realized, he and Wilbur were-- Fuck he and Wilbur were making eye contact. Ranboo let out a keen before he teleported away. Wilbur didn’t leave the kitchen for a while after that.

“Phil.” Techno greeted, dropping his bag onto the floor. When they had woken up Techno had already left, he didn’t want to waste any more time. Phil understood, the two of them had stalled trying to talk to Tommy and he ended up dead.

“Where’s Ranboo?”

“Wilbur broke the news to him and he panicked.” Phil sighed, scrubbing at his eyes. “Tommy’s apparently been actively suicidal for a _while_.”

Techno froze. “ _No_.”

“Yes… God, I’m a shit dad,” Phil groaned. “Don’t even try to make me feel better about this Techno. How the fuck did I not notice, I visited him! I helped him set up his party, I--”

Phil choked on a sob. Fuck, he really failed them, didn’t he? “I don’t-- I don’t know how I didn’t _see_ it, it’s all so obvious now. He looked so worn down and tired Techno, I only visited him once… _Once_!”

Technoblade didn’t say anything just letting Phil cry it out. He shuffled over before pulling them into a hug, “I know Phil… I know…”

The door opened and Wilbur wandered in, his face pinched. He took in the scene, “You didn’t find him?”

Techno shook his head, Wilbur hummed in disappointment. None of them spoke and the room sunk into a somber silence.

“Can I come with you two?” Wilbur asked one day. Technoblade hadn’t found any trace of Tommy and was starting to get frantic. Phil topped off the lost potion bottles before dropping them into the bag.

“Of course you can. Why are you asking?” Wilbur started to fidget.

“I know that you and Technoblade like going on your own, like… I know I’m not the best at survival but I can help…” He trailed off suddenly and hunched into himself.

Oh. “Wilbur… It’s not that I prefer Techno over you, I don’t mind having to wait. Okay, mate?” Wilbur looked doubtful but didn’t say anything, choosing to wait for Technoblade instead. Phil frowned but didn’t push him, he’d wait for Wilbur to gather his thoughts.

“Oh Wil, you’re awake.” Techno greeted before drowning the last of his coffee. “It’s early for you.”

Wilbur chuckled. “I wanted to help look for Tommy.”

Techno hesitated for a moment, “I haven’t found any sign of him… He might be…”

Wilbur tensed and Phil reached out to stop him from running out. “Put on your cloak first Wil, it snowed yesterday.”

Ranboo had come back long after the sun went down and would probably be asleep until noon. The kid deserved some rest. Wilbur had packaged some of the leftovers before they left, he had been unable to stay still. He felt bad for making him panic and wanted to apologize.

Techno cleared his throat. “I’ve searched around L’manburg, there’s nothing’ there.”

“Did you look in his house?” Wilbur asked.

Phil nodded. “It was practically abandoned, he hadn’t been there in a long time.”

“We’re going to be looking around Logstedshire,” Techno added. “It’s the only place we haven’t checked.”

Wilbur smiled, “I remember that, we had so much fun! You know Tommy had this thing called the Prime Log right?” 

Wilbur claimed that he didn’t have a reason to laugh until they found Tommy, Phil couldn’t help but agree. Still, Wilbur’s eyes were glowing as he told them stories of him and Tommy, none of them had laughed in months. 

It was just their luck it hadn’t lasted. Technoblade’s breathing hitched as he caught sight of the pillar. Logstedshire was in ruins, Phil numbly recognized the TNT scars and gunpowder stains. Wilbur let out a whine as he ran over to Tommy’s tent, there was nothing left. Maybe it was a sign.

They cleared out the craters trying to scourge for anything of value. Wilbur extracted the remains of a brewing stand and a few damaged photographs, while Technoblade was getting wood and coal for the night. Phil found himself at the beach. The beach chairs were bleached out and the towels long lost to the wind, there was a sense of desolation about the place. Of a moment there never was, he remembered Tommy yelling about how he didn’t attend the party and passed it off as him throwing a tantrum. 

_Tommy had looked at him before asking. “Are you… are you real?”_

_Phil had laughed. “Have you been drinking the seawater, Tommy?”_

Tommy had closed off after that, holding onto his gifts and wandering off. Phil had assumed that he was okay and that he had everything under control and left. What would’ve happened if he had stayed? Would Tommy have opened up and told him how he was really feeling, would he have asked for help and been okay? Or would it have ended the same, with Phil not being able to do anything until it was too late?

Wilbur had made his way over to the beach and made himself a chair with the sand. Phil snorted picking up a few spare shells and bedazzled it, Wilbur huffed in amusement before plopping down. The sand crumbled under them but they didn’t move. “I… I found a couple of things.”

Phil shook the sand from his wings. “Did you?”

“Tommy kept a few photos with him… I think you’d like them.” Phil stilled as his brain caught up with what he was seeing. He felt a bitter laugh build up before the tears started to fall. He remembered the day this was taken, it was before Technoblade had left and caused a rift to grow between him and his other boys. Phil called it the last day their family was truly united.

Tommy was sitting on his lap, his face scrunched up as he tried his best not to cry, Wilbur was trying to convince Techno to put his hair up in a bun, and Phil was cackling at Techno’s disgusted expression.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to find him…” He admitted, Wilbur nodded and grabbed his hand.

They weren’t okay, but they will be. Phil would make sure of that.


	6. RED CAMELLIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been awake for over 24 hrs,,, I'm staying awake because of coffee, my nonexistent will to live, and the fact that Techno will be streaming in 30 mins.
> 
> This is either the best thing i've ever written or the worst and I will be deleting it as soon as I wake up.

In the end and at the beginning there was nothing. 

There are no tunnels of light, no hands waiting to help you up, and no cloudy utopia. When worlds fall and people die all that remains constant in the end is oblivion.  _**The Void** _ . 

It’s easy for humans to believe in the protection and indestructibility of bedrock, but they forget that even it can be broken. Once that happens all that remains will be the void. It’ll come with unquestioning certainty at the end of ages, the end of peoples.

With the certainty of the end comes the desperation to avoid it. People would use magicks, totems, and experiment until they had no choice but to give in to the inevitable. To The Void and the Void was a greedy thing, with an endless maw and an appetite to match, it liked games of bloodshed and games of indulgence. And greed? Greed is something that never goes away.

The Crimson and the Void are one and the same, entwined in a never ending cycle of extravagance and avarice. Humans ever fickle little creatures are not immune to greed and longing, offer them a promise and they’re eating out of your palm and following your whims. But all it takes is one little slip and they fall.

The boy was a curious creature who fell outside of what was acceptable, he never cared for what the Crimson said nor what it did.

The Crimson watched. 

The boy had watched the people around him fall to greed and he didn’t want to fall like them. 

The Crimson watched. 

He was betrayed time and time again. 

The Crimson watched. 

He rallied the people to his side. 

The Crimson watched. 

Then it finally came his time, and he fell.

The Crimson  **acted** . 

The boy would be the perfect vessel and the world would fall in their wake.

**Author's Note:**

> I always wanted to die clean and pretty  
> But I'd be too busy on working days  
> So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted  
> I couldn't have changed anyways  
> I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy  
>  _Goodbye ___  
> {Last Words of a Shooting Star - Mitski}


End file.
